Jamming was excellent just now... Seriously... Need some polishing up but it was killer... Maha and Matt blend well..! Maha screamed really well too!!! Dennis (the musicVox president) dropped by too. I felt so stressed when he came in cos he's a good drummer... Matt said I played better when he came in.. haha!!!

After jamming we went to the playground to slack... most of them left at 9-ish... I stayed till around 10:30. Recalled what we did on valentine's day the past 2 years... The memories were nice... Memories don't hurt anyone. Its the snapping back to reality that hurts...

It hasn't been easy... being valentine's day and everything... My mind is so bothersome. Its valentine's day... I'm alone... After two years of having someone to hold and love. Can't believe that she can just throw away everything that we've shared together. Well... Life's like that... dissatisfaction guarranteed! Except if you're living according to God's truth... I just have to pretend that it was all fake... I just hafta tell myself that those 2 years were an act. At least it'll be easier for me to carry out the promise. I'll tell myself she's not worth it. She's not worth fighting for. Its come down to this. Being caught between not caring and letting God care for me... Here's another thing that I have to learn...

Really tired now... Going to sleep soon. I got VERY worked up in the afternoon when I received the messages from Jordan. I was angry at him, at Eileen, and at the devil.. I was screaming into my pillow and crying out to God... When I make a promise to God, the devil comes and tries to get me involved again. I won't... If by doing this, I lose the chance to 'compete' and I lose her... then she probably isn't worth it anyway... If after 2 years I have to prove to her that I love her, if I still have to chase after her. Then I seriously doubt that she's worth the effort...

Be careful while you test the grounds, you may just find yourself sinking in quicksand...

::: Word of the Day :::
"acceptance"